A reminder

Someone out there needs this reminder today.

Sometimes it seems like the more work I do on myself, the more work that needs to be done. It is a never-ending process. When I take a step back and look at the big picture, however, I can see that my life is gradually getting better and better. I have taken responsibility for my life and happiness in a totally new way.
I look at this quote as another reminder from the universe to be gentle on myself, even when I make mistakes. I haven’t made any big mistakes recently, but I am so far from perfect sometimes…wow. I can be harsh, critical, grouchy, not present with those I love, etc. I am trying to be better at all of those things, and that effort matters. It means that I care about the impact I am having on the world around me.
So…if you are reading this, you are trying too. Be gentle on yourself.
Much Love!
xoxo,
Nic Lynn

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Jealousy will kill you!

Jealousy is a feeling I still battle some days.  Currently I am dealing with my youngest child and a chronic condition.  It is easy to look at people who have children with NO health issues and feel a pang of jealousy.  A kind of "Why me?" moment that never does me any good. 

In my moment of jealous feelings yesterday, I noticed a post my friend made about this very topic.  So I spent some time reflecting and thinking more about it.  This is what I came up with:



---Jealousy is resentment towards someone for a perceived advantage or superiority they hold. It's a an unhappy or angry feeling due to wanting what someone else has.


---Fear is being afraid of someone or something perceived to be a threat, harmful or dangerous. An  unpleasant often strong emotion.

Jealousy is ruder than fear. To me, jealousy is lack of identity.

The jealous person technically knows nothing, suspects much and fears everything. Jealous people lack self confidence, suffer from inferiority complex, and fear others' superiority.

Jealous people don't want to see another have a good laugh and a good life, and as they continue to remain same way, you'll notice nothing interesting goes on in their lives because they've drowned themselves in so much negativity.

On the other hand, fear is the direct opposite of faith. Fear kills all that should be 100% awesome.

Fear is just insecurity and if not properly managed, could lead to hate. Fearful people are sometimes ignorant people. Jealous people are always fearful but fearful people aren't always jealous.


There are reasons why you should never be jealous of another, they include the following:

* You can never have same DNA with another

* You can never be duplicated

* You are your own designer's original

* There is only one set of your finger print, eye colour, brain, and body composition


Nobody can do what God has sent you to do, if only you had a clue of who really are, jealousy would be far gone and totally eradicated.

It's only natural to be jealous, but with maturity and discipline, you convert jealousy into love. 

You may lose weight, gain weight, became pale, look beautiful, look less beautiful, possess a particular kind of trait, but you see, there is no other version of you. Where you rule, God rules!
Eliminate all shades of jealousy and fear today, let's upgrade ourselves and make the world a better place. Yes We Can!

Much Love!

xxoo,

Nic Lynn


How to Smile for Yourself


How to Smile for Yourself



You can't worry and smile at the same time.  Try it.  First, smile.  Now, think of one of the typical worrisome or anxiety-provoking thoughts that messes with your self-esteem and sense of everything being all right.  For me, today, it's, "We are getting such bad weather and my husband and children are out driving in it." (Taking. A lot of.  Effort.  To feel that.  Anxious thought.  And smile.  I'm not succeeding. My smile melts into a grimace when I get close.)



But, I'm not talking about that kind of smiling.  I'm talking about a teeny-tiny, personal, private smile called the Inner Smile.  It's more effective than an outright grin.  I think the Inner Smile is more authentic.

 Why?  Smiling to yourself is like basking in love: you become your own best friend.  

Nobody is losing weight by reading blogs about losing weight.  (Not me, at least.)  Action is required of us.  You can't read a self-improvement blog and improve yourself by reading alone.  Action is required.

The Inner Smile is an action you can take.  Even if this is an action imperceptible to others, the Inner Smile, it's actually powerful stuff. 

Here's how I do the Inner Smile:  

1.  Let my mouth be very lightly closed 
2. Exhale through my nose deeply 5 times
3.  Let the corners of my mouth curl up into an almost-smile

I can feel my eyes soften. I notice that I've become aware of my breathing, that I am exhaling deeply. These two things will cause me to feel very relaxed.


 The "inner" part of the Inner Smile has to do with the way your body is reacting to this relaxation-inducing smile. Your breathing is steady.  Your worries have no room. You're calm. You're content.   

The next time your brain gets to worrying, whether it's right when you wake up in the morning, or just Sunday morning, on your drive to work, or prior to a difficult conversation–engage your Inner Smile. It's simple.  And effective. 
In the long run, the more often your body experiences calm, the more it will crave it. Just because you grew up with anxiety running through your body, doesn't mean you can't train it to love the opposite! 

Are you smiling?

Be kind to yourself. 

Much love!

xoxo,

Nic Lynn

What NOT to Do If You Value Inner Peace

I have been thinking and talking a lot lately about finding your own inner peace.  I have had some great chats with people on Periscope and Instagram about this very topic. So, without further ado, here is my list of things to NOT do if you want inner peace:
  1. Social media stalk. I happen to think Facebook is one massive social experiment gone wrong and a breeding ground for phoniness, self indulgence, and meme madness. But it’s also a necessary evil, an important business tool and a way to keep in touch with friends and family members we wouldn’t keep in touch with otherwise. But it should not be a place to investigate exes or that girl from the 8th grade who you haven’t spoken to in twenty years. I promise: nothing you find will change anything that happenedStep away from the screen and do something nice for someone.
  2. Fall into the comparison trap. This is a tough one, especially if you have a large social network and/or a history of codependency that leaves you hungry for external validation. There’s no quick fix here but limiting your time online and around other triggering people can help. Instead, spend time doing things that affirm your desires and passions. Your journey is precious precisely because it looks nothing like anyone else’s.
  3. Break your own boundaries. I’ve had to learn this one the painful way. Whether it’s a toxic family member or a work situation that you can’t keep your paws off, it’s helpful to understand your limits. For instance, if you know being around Aunt Susan for more than a couple hours makes you crazy, don’t stay for coffee and dessert! Sounds obvious but it’s easy to cave if you have a hard time saying noJust remember, you’re the one that has to live with the emotional aftermath.
  4. Excessively watch the news.  Yes, it’s important to be informed, to have a sense of what’s going on locally, as well as on a national and global level. And not just because it makes you a more enjoyable dinner guest. Having a grasp of politics and cultural events expands the mind and enriches your life, but watching the local news several times a day or being glued to your twitter feed will just make you feel bad.
  5. Be seduced by online personas. You may notice a theme emerging here. Look, I love social media as much as the next gal. It’s just that I also know how destructive it can be; the ways in which it becomes obsessive and sadistic in nature and before long, you’re an hour deep in your Instagram feed, wondering why your clothes, makeup and condo are no longer as great as you thought. Again, know your limits and remember that your life—and worth—is not measured in likes and follows.
  6. Spend time with people who give you the ick vibe. And by that, I mean, the people who activate that pit-in-the-stomach feeling, make your hair stand on end, or otherwise give you the creeps. One of the more important parts of trusting yourself is learning to listen to these feelings. Our body is constantly communicating truths our minds haven’t yet picked up on—don’t discount these divine signals.
  7. Try to change anyone but yourself. Just, don’t. You know the effort required to make even a small, sustained change in yourself? Well it’s ten times harder when you’re trying to force a change from the outside in. Not only will the other person resist and resent you but it won’t work. You’d be better off adjusting your perspective and then looking at what changes you may be delaying in your life.
  8. Accept advice from people who aren’t living the kind of life you want to live. Think about it. Why would you let someone who’s never started their own business discourage you from doing so? In the same way that it’d be silly to solicit dating advice from someone who’s living a celibate life— there’s nothing wrong with the path they’ve chosen but if it’s completely foreign from your own— why seek guidance here? I’ve always found it most helpful to have a group of mentors, or various people I can consult based on the issue at hand. Options breed answers.
  9. Constantly question what’s coming next. There’s few things I know with crystal clear certainty. This is one of them: life is supposed to be lived with blind spots. If we always knew what was around the next turn, well, we might just turn around. But it also ruins the surprises. Instead, take each day and season as it comes and there’s nothing you can’t handle.
Hope you enjoyed!  Much Love!

xoxo,

Nic Lynn




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Shout Out To The Cobwebs

The shit I did is done.
The wrong decisions, places, people happened.
I can’t go back and warn that younger version of me. I just acknowledge and love her and accept the past.
If it weren’t for her and all she’s seen and done , I would not get the opportunity to meet me, as I am right now.
The hurt will heal and some will not. I will breathe and live and survive.  I can allow God to swallow up anything I cannot handle before me and guide me right.  I feel safe, more content than I could ever imagine. It’s not necessarily the situation.  it’s the vessel and my spirit.
I have a smile in my pocket. Today I can choose to wear it or save it for later. I am gonna wear it!
Today I’m ok.
Much Love!
xxoo,
Nic Lynn


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He Heard Me

For the last couple of nights I have had such trouble staying asleep. I wake up and then start thinking. My mind keeps digging up old horrible things I did, said and saw from my past. I don't want to think about any of it but yet I keep re-enacting scenes from awful times.  I understand the concept of morbid reflection but I'm remembering it in my gut more than my head.  How could I have done some of that stuff?  What was I thinking?  Who the hell was I?  I don't ever get an answer.  I am just so very sorry.  


When you are in what seems like  a life or death situation (as I have felt in my past), you see some things that don't ever leave your head. You see some things that are simply unspeakable. I want to put that to rest somewhere but some nights it just swims to the top of my consciousness and causes me such grief.

How do some people seem to "get over" the gratitude of no longer living that way?  I know Gods' grace.  I hope I never wake up one morning and think that I did some great thing that turned my life from despair to joy.  I am full of gratitude after the "remembering" of the past.  


God saw me.  God heard me.  God changed me.

Much Love!

xoxo,

Nic Lynn


Be Kind



Kindness seems to be a word I keep gravitating back to lately.  Kindness and gratitude.   Here is a little blurb about those two words.  


I'm grateful:

  • To never really be alone and always have someone who loves me nearby.
  • To know that they know me better than anyone else in the world and love me anyway.


In my way of thinking:

  • Anyone can act nice.  A serial killer can put on a smile and good manners.  
  • Kindness though, is an action.  Kindness is freely letting God use you so you can be your "better" self.
  • Your "better" self does not always feel comfy.  In fact it can feel pretty ill-fitting.
  • Sometimes being kind feels like you are allowing others to walk all over you.  But they are only stepping on your ego.
  • Being kind is always always worth it.  It takes practice but the results are huge.



What are you grateful for today?  Let me know in the comments below:)

Sweeping Up The Pieces



Over the course of my adult life, I have  found that I am a sort of sweeper. Frequently, I find that I am left to sweep up pieces of many situations of my life. Many of these pieces that I sweep up are either broken due to myself or the relationships I have with others. And for many, many, many years, I've hoped that someone else would come in and sweep up what's been broken.

Today, I know that no one carries the broom but me. It hit me the other day as I have finally started a daily routine to improve my health and mental well-being. I've been waiting for others to take responsibility for my feelings. In reality, the only person who can gain closure to any situation that has had an emotional impact on us is ourselves. We have to own it in order to let it go. Can I go back in time to change events? No. Can I keep wondering why certain things turned out so damn bad? Not worth it.

All of the emotional pieces; anger, frustration, hurt, abandonment, joy, love. Those are mine to pick up and put back together the way that is the most healthy and constructive to my life.

And, I am ready to do this. I am absolutely resolved to not sweep my past under the rug. I am choosing those emotions that I want to put into the larger puzzle of my life and tossing away the ones that cause me the most grief.


So I will sweep up my own messes because my broom knows my corners the best. And even though it may not be fun when I am standing in the middle of the mess, when the mess is swept I can say "I was the one who made that floor shine."

Much love.

xoxo,

Nic Lynn





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There's A Hole In The Sidewalk


I read this poem for the first time yesterday. A dear friend shared it with me because she knows I have finally realized that I can take a different path in life.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN 5 SHORT CHAPTERS



Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
Chapter II


I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III

I walk down the same
 street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V

I walk down another street.
-----
I love this little poem. I fell into that hole many,
 many times before I realized that I could just walk 
down a different street. Instead, I was constantly 
searching for a way to not fall in the hole. That was 
my cycle; I desperately wanted change, but 
without actually changing anything. I also did not see
that I was the problem; I blamed the world for my
 chaos! - Notice the changed from It isn't my fault
to It is my fault. in the poem. - The realization that it
 actually was my fault, and that I was the cause, and 
that I needed to be the one making changes, was a
 definite the turning point for me. Sure, that was 
tough and really hard to take on, but by placing it on
 me I was also able to recognize that I 
could also change I finally understood that I didn't 
have to always figure things out or contemplate all
 the reasons why and how. I didn't have to battle
 everything and everyone and I didn't have to find 
all 

the solutions to all the problems. All I had to do is
 stay open-minded enough to see when I just need
 to 
walk down a different street.


Can you relate to this poem? Leave me some 

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No Longer Perfect

I think I am learning how to let go of perfectionism. It looks something like this: realizing that nothing is ever perfect, that I make mistakes, and that is okay. Trying over when I do not do something the way that I planned. Working at my goals day by day. Chipping away instead of giving up if I do not do it right. Oh, and getting rid of the word right. And the word wrong. And the word perfect.
There is no need to worry so much about the outcome of everything, rather just fill up my time doing things that make me feel pretty good. And some chores, because lets face it, life is full of chores that must be done and not all of them are particularly fun. In fact, a lot of the things that I choose to do are not particularly fun while I am doing them, but they make me feel good and help me in some way. I feel good afterwards because they are finished. How strange.
I have been writing nearly every day, just for me. Sometimes I blog, sometimes I journal, but I write nevertheless. I have been exercising more. But, sometimes I spend whole days not exercising or working or writing. I let my toddler watch too much TV on those days. I mope and I am not particularly nice. But most days I do a little more than that. I write a page. I go for a walk. I get up and exercise in the morning. I brainstorm ideas. I put ideas into practice. I play with my toddler instead of allowing her to be hypnotized by TV. I go out into the world and say hello to people and look them in the eye and try to connect.
These things cannot be looked at too closely or they will fall apart. If I let myself look at the big picture or think about them too much I will panic and shut them down. My inner monologue goes something like this, “There is no way I will ever do this correctly so why even try? My little effort means absolutely nothing when there are people out there doing much bigger and better things. Who do I think I am to take this on in the first place? What is the point of life anyway? Why do humans do so many pointless things? Why not spend the rest of my time here on Earth with my head stuck in a bottle since THERE IS NO POINT TO ANYTHING ANYWAY?”
Sorry to yell, but it gets pretty rough when I travel down that old familiar road.
I can’t allow myself to follow those thought patterns anymore. I am NOT following these thought patterns as much anymore. They are unhelpful and fueled by fear. I try to focus on the positives, and take it one day, one small baby step, one little goal, at a time. I remember that we all matter, we all have things to share, and we are all worthwhile in so many ways. We are worth the effort it takes to make lasting changes in our lives and to be genuinely happy.
What is my point?  I guess none of us have to strive to be perfect.  Our best is enough.
Much love.
xoxo,
Nic Lynn


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